Story

Hi! I’m Alexx~

I’ve never done anything like this before but desperation seems like a mild word to put on how I’ve felt for the last year. When people say, “This has been the worst year of my life.” THIS HAS TRULY BEEN THE WORST YEAR OF MY LIFE. The domino affect of disasters that have happened seem almost scripted and like I’m cursed or hexed. I don’t know how well this will take off because I have nowhere to even really promote myself in need of help. As desperate as I feel I still feel somewhat embarrassed to ask for charity from people I know. My circle of relationships is very miniscule even if I did want to promote this page.

Let’s dive into this pity party and be sad-saps together and come up for air hopefully at the end of this tale of woe…. Love mellow dramatics lol.

Let’s start with a tale as old as time. I was in a relationship with a guy and was miserable living with my mother, boyfriend, and older brother. Driving a terrible car. Working in a position for teenagers at 30 and reeling older than I should have because of these factors. For some inane reason I listened to my then bf and mother and decided to quit my job after a riff at work. At this same time my mother having her own nervous breakdown decided to move without any of the rest of us and leaving us to our own decides till the landlord or cops came to kick us out. That moment never happened for me, though. One night, my brother just having got out of rehab that day, came to the house with a girl he met there. I stayed in my room waiting for the bf to get off at 2am. I hear the pair partying and drinking amongst themselves. Then around 11pm I hear my brother playing the guitar and singing racial, hateful, disgusting, vulgar rhymes that he thought was hilarious. Normally I wouldn’t have started anything but our neighbor happened to be a black woman with a one year old baby. I don’t know what I even said to him but it ended with me on the ground and standing up with a mangled ear dangling and my four front teeth knocked out. After a long night of cops and EMS I called my dad and he decided he was going to help me get my teeth fixed. The conditions? My “life” was in his hands. He thought from day one that I needed to get off methadone. Twelve years later of  being medicated and not doing heroin he put me in a Ketamine and Naloxone induced Guantanamo Bay style torture. The experimental style treatment (if you could call it that) was Ketamine, an animal tranquilizer, and Naloxone, the drug that pushes you out of an opiate overdose. Needless to say it didn’t work and I ended up back at the methadone clinic a month later… A month of misery pissing, puking, and…etc on myself for weeks. Dad disowned me because I couldn’t make it work. That didn’t last luckily and he helped me and bf get into an apartment with a friend of a friend. Everything was looking up…

It was New Years Eve 2023. My bf had gotten off early. His 6 year old son was on his way to spend the holiday with us. I went outside when my bf got off the bus. As fate would have it he had gotten off one stop too early from our norm… He saw me and crossed the street… That’s when a Lyft driver hit him in a turn lane going 40-45mph. I didn’t see it because I had my head turned for that split second. I heard it though… And saw him rolling like a pencil across the road 100ft. To make that long story short he cracked his skull, broke neck, brain bleed, broken collar one and parts of his back, and fractured ankle. I was the only one here to take care of him while I was having my own medical scarring from my own “treatment”. I didn’t mention I’ve been left with a stutter, memory loss, and other impairments all brought on from some kind of damage during the experimental treatment I received. Fast forward about a month. Our crazy roommate we didn’t know decided to pick a fight with me while my bf was in a neck brace and we were in our room. It ended with her hitting my wrist repeatedly with a hatchet. OH YAH. Not even joking or exaggerating. She was arrested and I had to go get stitches. Only a scar came from that luckily and some weird nerve damage. Six months after the accident and having had to move 3 times in there because my bf had been left with serious brain damage and wasn’t himself anymore.. it caused problems everywhere we went. We ended up somewhere stable and we ended in a fight we couldn’t come back from. I left. I’ve been dating a wonderful guy for the last several months. The first two months of our budding romance,  however, was spent with me in a hospital for a heart infection and sepsis that came on randomly. I had to stay in a hospital two hours away because it’s all my insurance would cover. After that, everything was looking up. My bf and I moved in with my mother and he was getting a new job as a chef at my mom’s work… And fate stepped in again. Two weeks ago he was arrested for assault. I haven’t spoken to him because he had my phone when he was arrested. All I know is he and my ex were arrested at the same time. So, I’m sure you can do the math.

Now, I’m alone at my mom’s. Completely in limbo. I’m sure there’s plenty I’ve left out and many details I can’t recall at this point. I forgot to mention my car was completely stripped while I was in the Ketamine hospital.

Here I am carless, toothless, mindless, penniless…. All the down and outs one could imagine. I don’t know how much I need to get on a high note but I do know any kind of money or help is more than I have right now starting back at zero. Down on my knees and asking for someone’s good graces to lay upon me and hopefully rise me back up to not only the person I know I can be but the person I want to be as well.

PS. I apologize if I rambled or misspelled. I didn’t want to dwell to much on the negative. Unfortunately, that is the main part of my story for the last year… The negative. I hope y’all can see through all that and hear the person I am inside